Here in the UK there has just been a general election. Living in a democratic country we have the choice to vote or not. This got me thinking about self compassion and conversations held in classrooms when children ( often at the start of the new school year) put themselves forward to represent the school on various coiuncils/forums/groups.
Chldren will put together the reasons for why they should be chosen and their peers then vote.
'Can I vote for myself?' is a question I have always been asked in these situations.
The answer I have alwatys given ( and this is where you will see that my opening preamble about the election was not totally random!) : 'Of course you can. After all, everyone gets to vote and if you don't havw belief in yourself how can you expect anyone else to?'
Obviously general election votes are secret , but I can't imagine that politicians vote for their opponents.
So self compassion, self belief. Way before mindfulness was something I had heard of this was something that I firmly believed in and still do.
So why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves? Why, when we can show kindness to strangers, give to charity, tear up at a sad story on the news and be there for our friends are we so often our own greatest critic?
Is it a fear of coming across as conceited? Is it the pressure to be constantly striving to be better.
'Where do you see yourself in five years? What's your plan? What are your goals? Here are some unachievable targets to work towards...' blablabla.
How about the here and now. How are you doing right now? What's going well?
I am not for one moment suggesting that we should not have goals, aims, aspirations, targets, dreams. However, it is so easy to get tied up in those.
I am not perfect- and I wouldn't want to be. Now at an age where I have lost friends to illness the fragility of life becomes so much more apparent. I am trying to be kinder to myself, trying to talk to myself the way I talk to my loved ones when things don't go to plan.
And does it make a difference? Yes a million times over. It takes practice and there are times when the inner critic shouts loudest, but with the practice the voice is becoming quieter.
Breathe, notice, acknowledge, be kind, process, proceed.
If you have never had the chance to read the wonderful book by Charlie Mackesy I highly recommend it. The boy, the mole,, the fox anfd the horse. ( There are quite a few on similar themes but this is my favourite )
To close, I would like to share this beautiful poem written by Becky Hemsley 2023
( You can find her on Facebook or her website here )
I know there may have been times in your life when you’ve
stopped dancing, stopped singing, stopped being yourself
because someone was watching you. Judging you.
And you are not the only one to feel this way. But I can’t help thinking that we’ve got it all wrong.
We’ve been taught that we must only be ourselves if it suits other people.
We must only sing if it sounds pleasing to those listening.
We must only dance if it looks good to onlookers.
But we are so wrong.
The birds sing - not because we might listen -
but simply with the joy of being alive.
And the trees dance in the wind - not because it looks good for us -
but because they are alive. Living in the moment. Whatever the moment may bring.
So sing as loud as you wish
and dance as much as you like.
You do not exist for the enjoyment of others.
You exist to be alive.
Properly, fully, beautifully alive.
******
