Mindfully being kind

I found out this week that the image below is an ancient symbol for mindfulness: 

I read that the top of the character is symbolic of the roof of houses in Japan and represents protection and presence- sound familiar? This is the Japanese character for house:

The lower part of the character  (under the 'roof') is representative of the heart. This is the Japanese symbol for heart:

These two characters of 'mind and heart' combine in the character for mindfulness and it struck me as particularly beautiful as it really captures the meaning of mindfulness as so much more than 'being present' or 'awareness' but implies the meaning of mindfulness as being awareness from the heart.

How beautiful.

 Now I am not an expert in Japanese characters in the slightest so I have endeavoured to fact check this and haven't found anything that states that I have made an error so I am hopeful that my reading is accurate.

For me this supports my whole approach to mindfulness- being kind, being thoughtful and aware of how we all impact the world around us. I think too often mindfulness is compartmentalised, categorised and put into 'boxes' which say how, when and where to 'do mindfulness'. I see it as something far more transcendental.  It is about living, listening, caring, appreciating, sharing, loving...  And something that is too big to be easily defined. 

I will continue to share my thoughts and experiences of mindfulness but will almost certainly be giving a lot more questions than answers. What does mindfulness mean to you?  Is lt possible to live mindfully in the busy 21st century?

Can you choose kindness?

 

 

It's not all about meditation

 I have been asked to talk at a WI meeting next year. Plenty of time to think about how to go about it.

I can't help thinking about how Tony Blair got it so so wrong with an audience of the WI and the dearly departed queen got it so right HM Elizabeth II

I won't be talking politics and I am not a British monarch so won't have the level of expectation that would have met those two, but I do feel a sense of responsibilty to not mess it up! 

As part of my mindfulness course ( MTTC ) I was able to have a 1-2-1 session with an experienced Dharma teacher, Suchitra Senoy who gently listened as I shared my thoughts.  I haven't yet got a plan (I don't think I need to do 3 months ahead of time!) but I am feeling confident that I can share some insights and give some practical takeaways to the group.

Mostly I intend to demystify and myth bust and show the positives and benefits of living mindfully.

Maybe I will share a recipe at the end too ;) And that isn't me trying to be 'cute'. Go with what I beleive in, share things that I have experienced and show that mindfulness is so much more than meditation. 

What is mindfulness?

Read an interesting piece this morning Here

Interesting to read views around the monetisation of mindfulness. Also some examples of businesses using it in a non mindful way 

Currently, mindfulness is unregulated in the UK as it's not a medical service in the way that seeing a psychiatrist or a counsellor is, but it's still a service that can support vulnerable people and therefore a mindfulness teacher has a duty of care to ensure the safety and confidentiality of participants.

I'm hoping to develop my practice and ultimately take classes/sessions and would ideally provide at no cost.  Employers have to take care of their employees ( well I'm not sure they HAVE to, but the good ones do) and money is put aside for CPD in many organisations. Wouldn't it be great for mindfulness to be recognised as a great way to support people . Prevention better than cure and all that. 

Rather than pay lip service and offer a one hour mindfulness/yoga session every now and again or just as a one off so that it can go into the HR folder, why not investigate providing regular sessions for staff to support their wellbeing . Within the working day.

Being part of a group of around 80 mindfulness teachers nearing completion of the MTTC run by Christopher Titmuss and his daughter Nshorna with support from mindfulness teachers from the US, Germany and India is a real.ptivilige and I'm excited to see where we all take our mindfulness practice moving forward. 

What is mindfulness? Something worth exploring.

"Mindfulness isn't difficult, we just need to remember to do it."

- Sharon Salzberg

Anxiety dreams and mindfulness

 My new job begins this week and I am very excited for this. However, the last few nights have been somewhat restless with the onset of anxiety dreams.

Once up and awake it is easy to see them for what they are, acknowledge them and move on with my day. But it has got me thinking about how to use mindfulness strategies to deal with these. Something I haven't tried yet is to try a meditation before going to bed to address the fact that anxiety ( even at a subconscious level) is totally OK in this situation and will pass. I shall give this a try tonight and see if it makes a difference. 

A couple of interesting articles about dreams here from the British psychological society and here from Psychology today

It's quite usual for me before taking on something new to have broken sleep and anxiety dreams and maybe is just what it is. But I will do a body scan and guided meditation later this evening and will write tomorrow to share the outcome...

Mindfulness and nature

 Recently we were lucky enough to take on an allotment. 

This morning as I was weeding to give the half a dozen teeny carrots and a dozen or so little lettuces that have made it through the germination stage I was amazed to see how the morning had passed without seeming to have been there for more than half an hour.

Was I being fully mindful the whole time that I was there?  With the sun on my back, warm soil between my fingers and a growing pile of weeds there were certainly many moments where I was fully aware of the environment around me from buzzing bugs and bees  to a tiny ladybird, to weeds that seemed to go all the way through the earth's crust and the delicate seedlings that we have been nurturing.

Look at these teeny lettuces! 

Look carefully and you can spot the even teenier carrots!

And yes, I did take time to just sit and take in what was around me. Being outside , getting hands-on with nature and (hopefully) enjoying the produce at some point is certainly great for wellbeing. And this is coming from someone who has never been into gardening. Houseplants have always been more my thing. But whether it is inside or out, large or small, being in touch with nature and helping things grow is certainly somethng that I find calming , rewarding and enjoyable. 

I will update this in January/February when the sun is unlikely to be beating down and the clay rich soil will be a very different entity to today.

How to be mindful in three steps

 

©  Charlie Mackesy

I love this quote from The boy, The mole,The fox and the horse . So much so that I have a T shirt with this on. 

Three steps to mindfulness:

1) Be kind 

2) Be kind 

3) Be kind 

By being kind to our friends and family (quite easy); to ourselves (harder) and to strangers,the wider world and even those who may have wronged us (harder still) we are recognising that observed, considered  responses can bring calm, peace, joy; they can de-escalate a situation; they're the antithesis to drama .

And it can be contagious. 

A guided meditation on thankfulness

 I recently led a talk on how mindfulness can bring a greater sense of joy and curiosity into daily lives.

Through being present and fully aware of our immediate environment and by bringing a sense of curiosity to our daily lives  joy can be found in the most subtle ways.

I feel that it is important to acknowledge that mindfulness is so much more than a tool that can help dealing with challenge and stress. The benefits of mindfulness practice are well documented in these areas, and I am not disputing the value of courses such as MBSR.

As I travel through my mindfulness journey I shall share my thoughts - it will be interesting to see how this journey progresses.

In the meantime, please do listen to this guided meditation on joyful gratitude  here

I hope that you enjoy it. I intend to add further meditations so watch this space.

Thank you.

August Wordcloud

 This is the wordcloud for this month. I will be interested to see how these change moving forward...

Coping with our busy lives using mindfulness

 In our busy lives it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of doing, worrying about what’s still to do, more doing and so on. Distractions from all around can add to the stresses of daily life and an overload of information can leave us feeling drained.  Add in artificial lighting, pinging emails, sitting at desks and so on and life can be a big rush from one thing to another.

I wrote a blog post last week about being too busy to be mindful as I realise that the act of suggesting trying something new can in itself be a stressful thing! These blog posts intend to bust some of the more common misconceptions around mindfulness and show how mindfulness is different for each and every person. There will be things that resonate and others that don't. 

I’d like to share some examples of activities that can be practised to help with stressful/challenging situations. Research has shown that regular mindfulness practices can help during times of intense stress which can trigger panic attacks; very intense and frightening experiences.   Mindfulness practices can help us to 'zoom out' and see the bigger picture—like watching the whole theatre, not just what is on the cinema screen. When we do this, we realise  the stressful situation is part of our experience, it is not 'who we are'. That’s easier said than done, but any perspective we can get during times of stress is likely to help ease the intensity and duration. 

As meditation offers relief from stress and challenge, the more you meditate, the better you’ll become at grounding yourself and observing your thoughts from a distance, like watching storm clouds pass by. With time and practice, you can train your mind to acknowledge these feelings without being overwhelmed. Each time you practice mindfulness during challenging moments, you strengthen your mental muscles. And the more you train, the better you can handle future panic attacks or any other challenges.

These are some strategies that can be helpful to use in daily life during times of stress:

3-3-3 rule : name three things you can see, three sounds you can hear and move three different body parts ( can be as simple as wiggling a finger/tapping foot/stretching hand)

5-5-5 rule: breathe in for 5, hold for five, release for five then identify five things you can see, 5 sounds you hear and five objects around you that you can touch.

However, if you are in an intensely stressful situation, being super aware of everything could make you feel even more panicked. During a time like this, controlled breathing or other mindfulness practices might be a better fit for you in that intense moment.

Deep, measured breathing can be one of the most effective ways to regain composure during a panic attack. Techniques like the 4-7-8 breathing method, where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds, can help reset your nervous system.

 Another popular method is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which makes you identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.  

Nasal breathing is often used in endurance activities and alternating nostril breathing can be very effiective at reducing stress ( see here ) 

 As stated previously, mindfulness can help with stress reduction and there are Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction courses  (MBSR) which focus more on this.

For me I have found the STOP approach the easiest one to remember (stop, take a breath, observe and proceed with caution and compassion) along with visualisation techniques that I came across whilst taking part in a PQ course a few years ago (https://www.positiveintelligence.com/ ) During a challenging conversation I try to visualise the other person as a child and this can help reduce feelings of anxiety, stress or anger ( and for me works better than the old standard imagine them naked) The thinking behind this is that when one thinks of a happy childhood memory it brings a sense of wellbeing and calm, so by thinking of that person as a child who was happy and carefree it can give the time to respond in a more measured and compassionate way.

Or to walk away! Assertiveness is a good thing and can be done in a non- aggressive way 😉

 

 There really is no one fits all approach.

Did you know we breathe more than 600million times in a lifetime. It's something that we do without giving it a second thought for most of the time. But breathing exercises can heip in so many ways.

More to be written on this for sure...

A guided meditation on listening

 With the recent improvement in the weather I thought I'd record this out in the back garden.

It happened to be the day that the local herring gulls and dogs chose to be particularly vocal. I considered recording again but decided to leave as it was. It was a very good practice in mindful listening to acknowledge background  sounds, accept them as they were and to carry on.  I think it's examples like this that help to dispel myths around mindfulness and make it more relatable and authentic. 

So I am grateful for the unexpected background noises as it was another example of how mindfulness practices help bring balance, calm and acceptance. Thinking back to pre COVID times when I worked remotely dealing with low-definition video calls I didn't have the range of tools that I now do to manage freezes /dropped signal/ background noises/ other calls. 

So grateful to be developing these practices now.

Here's the meditation. I hope you enjoy Listening meditation

Four postures of Mindfulness

  In Mindfulness, the four classic postures are lying down, sitting, standing and walking. If you have not tried all four, I wholeheartedly recommend that you do. Each has its unique challenges, and each has particular gifts to give, or ways in which it can help you strengthen your practice. This talk by Jon Kabat-Zinn gives some background.

Lying down is a posture that I was expecting to be the most important one having done various yoga classes and programmes where the lying postion is often used at the end of the class. In this posture, you are sometimes so close to falling asleep that you might actually fall asleep. Remaining alert can be the challenge of this posture. I have sometimes tried this posture when I have been struggling to get to sleep and it has been quite effective. However using a meditation practice to help one sleep is not struclty speaking fully mindful as you are aiming to be aware and focused on the practice.

So if you are feeling really tired then perhaps a lying posture might not be the best one if you are aiming to use it as a meditative exercise. The great thing about this posture is that, with no muscles holding you upright, it is very easy to deeply relax. You might even enter a deep hypnogogic state in which you hover in a state between sleep and awakeness. This can be a profound state of rest, profoundly de-stressing, and deeply restorative. Still, in a more usual meditation, you are both very relaxed and very alert, simultaneously. You are aware and alert, without anxiety.

The reclining/lying down posture is also the best meditation position for stress reduction. It is the best, fastest way to let go of stress and to ground your self. You can use this position to carry out a body scan or to focus on the breath. More information here . I will post a body scan on this blog in due course. 

Depending on preference you can record your own voice for a guided meditation and listen back to it, or use a recording. Listening to a voice that makes you feel calm and relaxed , or music /seascapes are a popular choice. (Although I can't listen to running water for long haha). How long? How often? Down to personal preference. I have found that a 5-10 minute lying meditation can re-energise me  as well as help relax me.  It's finding what works for you.

From lying down, the next move is the seated posture. This might be in a chair or on the floor.  It is possible to fall asleep while sitting but it is less likely to happen. The sitting posture is more alert than lying down. You will feel some of the ease and deep relaxation of the lying down posture, but you will feel more alert, more “awake” in your awareness.  Often the feet are placed on the ground which can, literally, help one feel more grounded. Again down to personal choice. I don't find sitting on the floor especially comfortable so go for a chair every time.  The seated posture is the most practiced posture around the world. This article from Calm has lots more information about positions.

The standing posture was something totally new to me and I think it is one of my favourites ( I am not quite sure if one is meant to have favourites, but this is the one that I have found fits into daily life so easily). In the Korean zen tradition, there was a  famous Zen Master, Kusan Sunim of the late 20th century. It is said that he would push himself to practice longer by practicing standing meditation with a knife placed at his throat, for motivation and to keep himself from falling asleep! Not very mindful I would argue but it's interesting to find out about different views.

Standing meditation is a powerful position. We are standing upright and using many of our muscles * Fifty-four stabilizing muscles are involved to move the bodyfrom a sitting position to a standing position. To maintain your body in a standing position, it takes most of the muscles in your body. Most of the muscles are used for weight distribution and balance*

 When standing we can see all around and are ready to move, but in this posture we stay still and focus on the breath. Some phrases associated with this posture include: bearing witness, standing for what we believe, standing on our own two feel, and standing our ground. Eyes can be closed or open. It can be incredibly grounding and give time for clarity for example in a queue, in a meeting, on the phone. I have used this at work to gather my thoughts and process before reacting, alloowing me time to respond. In our busy lives where everything happens in a flick of a switch or a click of a mouse, these times of being still, alert and quiet have been immensely supportive.

The final posture is walking. There is so much out there regarding the benefits of walking . Here's an example. I also recently read this article which is worth a few minutes of your time.

Those who know me know that I love to walk. But there is a big difference between how we walk! Mindful walking is where you are bringing your awareness to the environment, to the senses, to the beauty and wonder of the natural world. It is taking meditation for a walk and is a way to help body and mind integrate meditative practices into your active life as part of the living world. It is  conduit between stillness and movement and can be especially valuable when you have a lot of energy in your system perhaps such as anger or restlessness that make it hard to sit still. When these come visit, it is often helpful to walk for a period of time, then consider transitioning to another posture. Walking posture can be used to relax, to recharge, to take time away from our busy lives to just be in the process of walking and acknowledging how we are feeling. I have used walking to talk myself through a whole host of situations and always feel a greater sense of clarity having done so.  I said earlier that the standing one was my favourite.  It's my favourite to be able to do as and when during pretty much any situation. Walking brings me the greatest sense of clarity and calm. Lying can re-energise and help me to refocus and sitting can give that all important longer period of time to just slow down and breathe.

This is a talk from Christopher Titmuss on postures. He, alongside his daughter Nshorna, runs the MTTC course that I have been undertaking. I find him very inspiring and relatable. 

I'm too busy to be mindful...

 

Aren't our lives busy nowadays. Mobile phones; great at keeping us connected but also such a tie at times. 

Scrolling- that wasn't even a thing not so long ago. I am as guilty as the next person of sitting down for a few minutes and before I realise, those few minutes have stretched into a lot more. And what have I actually done in that time? 

Procrastination - noun

1. the action of delaying or postponing something.

   "your first tip is to avoid procrastination"

And work, well that takes up a load of time, plus the commute, plus the emails to do out of work. Plus trying to keep on top of all the household things and so on and so on. Life is busy. Children have flown the nest ( how did i have time to look after them when they were at home?!) but time seems to fly past faster and faster. 

So how on earth can anyone be expected to be mindful and fit in that as well? 

For me mindfulness is so much more than finding a time to sit and meditate; it's the general awareness through daily activities. It's finding times to take a few moments here and there. For example, cleaning teeth or having a shower are great times to do a mini body scan or a listening meditation. Waiting in a queue or being on hold on a phone call are , for me, amazing times to focus on a standing meditation and also really help avoid the impatience and 'queue rage'.

Sometimes all you need is to switch on the TV or scroll through the phone, but that might not leave you with the sense of calm and peace, or re-energised ready to take on the next thing on the list. 

Next time you're in a traffic jam, or in the longest queue on the phone * Your call is important to us...thank you for waiting...you are now 15th in line...*  See if you can focus on the breath, or the sounds you can hear. If you're able to walk around does that ease the impatient feelings that come and go?   

My next upload will be a guided meditation on listening. 

A guided meditation on breathing

 I would like to share this short guided meditation on breathing.  It's about 6 minutes long and is aimed as an introduction to a mindful breathing meditation.  I would suggest a comfortable seated posture for this.

I would welcome feedback. My intention is to share a variety of meditations in the coming weeks and months of varying lengths.

You can find the recording  here

I hope you enjoy it

Self Compassion

 

Here in the UK there has just been a general election. Living in a democratic country we have the choice to vote or not. This got me thinking about self compassion and conversations held in classrooms when children ( often at the start of the new school year) put themselves forward to represent the school on various coiuncils/forums/groups.

Chldren will put together the reasons for why they should be chosen and their peers then vote.

'Can I vote for myself?' is a question I have always been asked in these situations. 
The answer I have alwatys given ( and this is where you will see that my opening preamble about the election was not totally random!) : 'Of course you can. After all, everyone gets to vote and if you don't havw belief in yourself how can you expect anyone else to?'

Obviously general election votes are secret , but I can't imagine that politicians vote for their opponents.

So self compassion, self belief. Way before mindfulness was something I had heard of this was something that I firmly believed in and still do. 

So why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves? Why, when we can show kindness to strangers, give to charity, tear up at a sad story on the news and be there for our friends are we so often our own greatest critic? 

Is it a fear of coming across as conceited? Is it the pressure to be constantly striving to be better.

'Where do you see yourself in five years? What's your plan? What are your goals? Here are some unachievable targets to work towards...' blablabla.  

How about the here and now. How are you doing right now? What's going well? 

I am not for one moment suggesting that we should not have goals, aims, aspirations, targets, dreams. However, it is so easy to get tied up in those. 

I am not perfect- and I wouldn't want to be. Now at an age where I have lost friends to illness the fragility of life becomes so much more apparent. I am trying to be kinder to myself, trying to talk to myself the way I talk to my loved ones when things don't go to plan. 

And does it make a difference? Yes a million times over. It takes practice and there are times when the inner critic shouts loudest, but with the practice the voice is becoming quieter.

Breathe, notice, acknowledge, be kind, process, proceed. 

If you have never had the chance to read the wonderful book by Charlie Mackesy I highly recommend it. The boy, the mole,, the fox anfd the horse. ( There are quite a few on similar themes but this is my favourite ) 

To close, I would like to share this beautiful poem written by Becky Hemsley 2023 

( You can find her on Facebook or her website here )

I know there may have been times in your life when you’ve
stopped dancing, stopped singing, stopped being yourself
because someone was watching you. Judging you.

And you are not the only one to feel this way. But I can’t help thinking that we’ve got it all wrong.

We’ve been taught that we must only be ourselves if it suits other people.

We must only sing if it sounds pleasing to those listening.
We must only dance if it looks good to onlookers.

But we are so wrong.

The birds sing - not because we might listen -
but simply with the joy of being alive.

And the trees dance in the wind - not because it looks good for us -
but because they are alive. Living in the moment. Whatever the moment may bring.

So sing as loud as you wish
and dance as much as you like.

You do not exist for the enjoyment of others.

You exist to be alive.

Properly, fully, beautifully alive.

******

Discovering there's more than I realised to mindfulness

 'Mindfulness? That's just colouring and switching off your mind isn't it?'

'Like counselling but without any actual science or research-based practise isn't it?'

'Bit modern and really not my thing at all.'

A few things that I have heard. 

It's hard to sum up mindfulness in a way that doesn't diminish it. Yes it is about being present, yes it is about being tuned into feelings. Yes to being empathetic, kind and listening. Yes to being non-judgemental.

All these and so much more.  Being kind, showing empathy, being authentic being curious, appreciating life, self, others. Being kind.  These are some of the underpinning aspects. 

Being kind to oneself, showing self-compassion. Bit of a game changer in many ways. SO easy to blame oneself, berate oneself, criticise oneself.  

It's ok to big yourself up- to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are going to have a fab day, and when the day doesn't go so well say that you gave it a good go.

So much more than 'put on a brave face' , 'chin-up' and other often less than helpful phrases.

Acknowledgement goes a lot lot further. Today has been pretty shocking. I am not feeling great about it. I could just not bother tomorrow. All these are totally valid thoughts. Naming, recognising and noticing them. Taking time to process, talk them through or go for a walk, listen to music, make a noise, sing, go for a run.  We all have different ways to redirect energy. 

It's not about parking thoughts, ignoring them or forgetting the past. It's about riding it out. 

I love the film 'Parenthood' and especially this gem from the Grandma:

Grandma's thoughts on life

Ups and downs, highs and lows, happy and sad. All part of life. But I know which parts  I want to focus on. 

Tiny steps on a mindful journey

 Compassionate mindfulness

This was the name of the course that we had all been signed up to take part in. I am not going to go through each stage of it here because that would be disrrespectful to the course leaders, but I will attempt to give a flavour of the first session.

**Breathing exercise to focus the group**

**Some background to what mindfulness is- there are a LOT of definitions and different teachers have their favourites. Suffice to say it is a lot more than 'living in the moment' . It certainly is NOT about 'emptying the mind' and it's not a religion.**  This particular course was mostly based on the work of John Kabat-Zinn

Check this webpage for bios of some other leading mindfulness gurus https://themindfulsteward.com/mindfulness/16-of-the-most-respected-mindfulness-teachers-of-modern-day/ 

**some background to research and how brain activity can be positively affected by regular mindfulness practises**

**A guided meditation**

And before you knew it the time had passed.  

Did it feel strange being in my workplace, with colleagues trying to be relaxed. Yes of course, but very quickly the whole point of just accepting that each feeling came and went, each thought came and went and actually allowing oneself to just have some quiet time was pretty fabulous in itself.  

The big takeaway from the first session was to allow yourself to take some time for yourself. I can hear you shouting at the screen right now, but please bear with.  Just a couple of minutes to stop, take a deep breath, let it out. Repeat. And then move back to whatever it was you were doing.

STOP- stop, take a breath, observe and proceed.

OK that wasn't too bad, still had a list of things to do but went home at the end of the day feeling far more energised than I had been at the start of the day.

Next post will explore the next part of the journey on self compassion. If you would like to read up on this before I post I have recently read this and found it to resonate with me. Check it out https://www.mindful.org/the-transformative-effects-of-mindful-self-compassion/ 

Mindfulness? Isn't that just a bit trendy and 'pop-sciencey'?

 If you had asked me what my opinions and thoughts were around mindfulness a few years ago I would have come up with a list something along the lines of:

trendy

a bit like yoga without the moving

colouring

emptying the mind

not for me

another passing fad

You get the idea. To be perfectly honest it wasn't something that I had given a huge amount of thought to. It wasn't something that came up in my family or social circles, it wasn't something that was considered to be especially relevant at work. In a nutshell it wasn't something that I thought would be for me.

My work situation changed and I started to consider alternative career paths. After various conversations, I started an introduction to counselling course.  At the same time it was suggested at work that we would devote a big chunk of our allocated CPD time to a mindfulness course. To give a little context to this - the pandemic and subsequent lockdowns had just come to an end (the lockdowns anyway had ended) and awareness of mental health , wellbeing across the world was pretty much at the forefront of everyone's thoughts.

I was feeling fairly uninspired by the idea of having to spend a day followed by a series of after work sessions on mindfulness; I found it hard at this point to see beyond the irony of mindfulness and being at work. However, it was certainly something that sounded more interesting than some of the 57,000 slide presentations that one has to sit through sometimes ( sorry, I am prone to exaggeration at times but you get the idea)

The dates were set. Compassionate mindfulness. Here goes...

My next post will continue the journey. I am not going to get all evangelical about things, that's not my style (not even sure that I have a style!) but it's a journey that I am so happy to have started and three years down the line feel that it's one to keep on exploring and learning from.