Tuesday, 4 October 2011

100 words for grown ups week 13

This week, Julia's prompt was "the unseasonal weather". I had a go and was fairly pleased with it, until I started reading this week's entries. My goodness there are some talented people out there.

 As an avid reader I am very impatient with books which don't grab my attention and pull me in- all too often I am disappointed with raved about reads (sorry, "One Day" just didn't do it for me!)

 The people who write each week on this challenge really are a talented group of people. Maybe this should be an "X factor" for writing; but without all the drama/tears !

Anyway,  I have written two entries; my first is more of a comfort write, the second is, hopefully, a little darker. (Am loving "Dark Matter" by Michelle Paver at the moment so wanted to try something different. )

Enough waffling; here they are. Look forward to feedback.

100WCGU wk 13


Thrusting her hands deep into her coat pockets, Kit quickened her pace. The trees had shed all but the last few of their leaves which clung stubbornly to wind stripped branches. The fallen leaves danced briefly in cascades of russets, golds, reds and yellows as she swept past. The unseasonal weather had tricked misinformed bulbs into life; now they bent in shame against the bitter wind. The eider ducks, barely a week ago fervently building nests, huddled together in an effort to keep warm.

 Kit strode on, determined to find answers to the questions gnawing inside.



Here is my second attempt:


Joe staggered into the desolate whiteness in search of fuel for his sorry excuse for a fire. The generators had long given up the fight and lay useless.

He pulled his coat closer and scanned the unfamiliar landscape. The unseasonal weather had initially been welcomed; but as the days dragged to weeks then months the Arctic temperatures impact on the Cornish Coast made their presence very much felt.

Some had made it across the frozen channel.

 Joe battled on,  desperation driving him forward.

A few feet behind him, moving silently on padded paws, the bear followed.

It too, was desperate. 


16 comments:

  1. Two fabulous pieces here Anna. I loved the imagery in the first piece - especially the idea of the bulbs feeling ashamed of being tricked by the out-of-season warmth.

    The second piece was really exciting. To begin with I thought it was set in North America/Canada so it was a great twist to make it Cornwall! And what a cliffhanger ending. I hope Joe escapes.

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  2. Thanks Sally-Jayne. The second one isn't quite as scary as I'd hoped; 100 words isn't a lot to play with...must keep practising :)

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  3. I think it's plenty scary - you paint a desolate picture and then introduce a hungry bear!

    But, if you want some ideas for saving words then I'd suggest changing "the Arctic temperatures impact on the Cornish Coast made their presence very much felt" to something like "the impact on the Cornish Coast was overwhelming/dramatic/terrifying/insert word of your choice here." That saves you 6 words and your next sentence with the frozen channel shows that the temperatures must be arctic.

    Hope that helps. I agree 100 words isn't much to play with but you always do a great job. I really look forward to reading yours.

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  4. Ooh another bear - great! Good imagery in the first piece. I loved the twist at the end of the second entry. More please xx

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  5. Thanks for the feedback Sally-Jayne; after reading through that makes a lot of sense...tricky this writing lark isn't it. Thanks for the encouragement... I'd so love to write a novel one day (what teacher doesn't?) but, for now, these are great practise!

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  6. Thanks for your comment Alison; next week I will tweak a bit more before posting. Loved yours :)

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  7. Anna, your humility in the introductory preamble is completely misplaced. These are two very different but equally impressive pieces. You have handled two different styles very skilfully.

    I love the dancing leaves in the first piece and that bear... is troubling me.

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  8. Thank you Dughall *blushes*

    I think Joe would be able to outsmart that bear ;)

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  9. I liked the imagery in your first piece, but the second one felt more like a story with a bit of an arc. I really like that in these challenges and find it thrilling when done with so few words. It's fun to see so much progress, and of course Salley-Jayne hit it right on the head about the economy of words. It's amazing how we can whittle down so many phrases without losing much, and sometimes gaining more.

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  10. Thanks for taking the time to comment. You're right; the amount of words really does make you choose words carefully (and cuts out all the waffle!)

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  11. The first piece reminded me how often the cherry trees bloom in the fall around here...and how funny the mood becomes, caught in conflict, like your Kit,

    Robin

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  12. Thanks for your comment Robin.

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  13. I think I prefer the first story. I wonder what her questions are.

    The bear in the second is just scary lol.

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  14. Thanks Han. Kit has lots of questions in her mind (see previous 100WCGU) but I haven't yet found her answers :S

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  15. Both are fantastic. Great imagery and imagination. x

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  16. Thanks Susan. Loving these challenges.

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