How to be mindful in three steps

 

©  Charlie Mackesy

I love this quote from The boy, The mole,The fox and the horse . So much so that I have a T shirt with this on. 

Three steps to mindfulness:

1) Be kind 

2) Be kind 

3) Be kind 

By being kind to our friends and family (quite easy); to ourselves (harder) and to strangers,the wider world and even those who may have wronged us (harder still) we are recognising that observed, considered  responses can bring calm, peace, joy; they can de-escalate a situation; they're the antithesis to drama .

And it can be contagious. 

A guided meditation on thankfulness

 I recently led a talk on how mindfulness can bring a greater sense of joy and curiosity into daily lives.

Through being present and fully aware of our immediate environment and by bringing a sense of curiosity to our daily lives  joy can be found in the most subtle ways.

I feel that it is important to acknowledge that mindfulness is so much more than a tool that can help dealing with challenge and stress. The benefits of mindfulness practice are well documented in these areas, and I am not disputing the value of courses such as MBSR.

As I travel through my mindfulness journey I shall share my thoughts - it will be interesting to see how this journey progresses.

In the meantime, please do listen to this guided meditation on joyful gratitude  here

I hope that you enjoy it. I intend to add further meditations so watch this space.

Thank you.

August Wordcloud

 This is the wordcloud for this month. I will be interested to see how these change moving forward...

Coping with our busy lives using mindfulness

 In our busy lives it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of doing, worrying about what’s still to do, more doing and so on. Distractions from all around can add to the stresses of daily life and an overload of information can leave us feeling drained.  Add in artificial lighting, pinging emails, sitting at desks and so on and life can be a big rush from one thing to another.

I wrote a blog post last week about being too busy to be mindful as I realise that the act of suggesting trying something new can in itself be a stressful thing! These blog posts intend to bust some of the more common misconceptions around mindfulness and show how mindfulness is different for each and every person. There will be things that resonate and others that don't. 

I’d like to share some examples of activities that can be practised to help with stressful/challenging situations. Research has shown that regular mindfulness practices can help during times of intense stress which can trigger panic attacks; very intense and frightening experiences.   Mindfulness practices can help us to 'zoom out' and see the bigger picture—like watching the whole theatre, not just what is on the cinema screen. When we do this, we realise  the stressful situation is part of our experience, it is not 'who we are'. That’s easier said than done, but any perspective we can get during times of stress is likely to help ease the intensity and duration. 

As meditation offers relief from stress and challenge, the more you meditate, the better you’ll become at grounding yourself and observing your thoughts from a distance, like watching storm clouds pass by. With time and practice, you can train your mind to acknowledge these feelings without being overwhelmed. Each time you practice mindfulness during challenging moments, you strengthen your mental muscles. And the more you train, the better you can handle future panic attacks or any other challenges.

These are some strategies that can be helpful to use in daily life during times of stress:

3-3-3 rule : name three things you can see, three sounds you can hear and move three different body parts ( can be as simple as wiggling a finger/tapping foot/stretching hand)

5-5-5 rule: breathe in for 5, hold for five, release for five then identify five things you can see, 5 sounds you hear and five objects around you that you can touch.

However, if you are in an intensely stressful situation, being super aware of everything could make you feel even more panicked. During a time like this, controlled breathing or other mindfulness practices might be a better fit for you in that intense moment.

Deep, measured breathing can be one of the most effective ways to regain composure during a panic attack. Techniques like the 4-7-8 breathing method, where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds, can help reset your nervous system.

 Another popular method is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which makes you identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.  

Nasal breathing is often used in endurance activities and alternating nostril breathing can be very effiective at reducing stress ( see here ) 

 As stated previously, mindfulness can help with stress reduction and there are Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction courses  (MBSR) which focus more on this.

For me I have found the STOP approach the easiest one to remember (stop, take a breath, observe and proceed with caution and compassion) along with visualisation techniques that I came across whilst taking part in a PQ course a few years ago (https://www.positiveintelligence.com/ ) During a challenging conversation I try to visualise the other person as a child and this can help reduce feelings of anxiety, stress or anger ( and for me works better than the old standard imagine them naked) The thinking behind this is that when one thinks of a happy childhood memory it brings a sense of wellbeing and calm, so by thinking of that person as a child who was happy and carefree it can give the time to respond in a more measured and compassionate way.

Or to walk away! Assertiveness is a good thing and can be done in a non- aggressive way 😉

 

 There really is no one fits all approach.

Did you know we breathe more than 600million times in a lifetime. It's something that we do without giving it a second thought for most of the time. But breathing exercises can heip in so many ways.

More to be written on this for sure...

A guided meditation on listening

 With the recent improvement in the weather I thought I'd record this out in the back garden.

It happened to be the day that the local herring gulls and dogs chose to be particularly vocal. I considered recording again but decided to leave as it was. It was a very good practice in mindful listening to acknowledge background  sounds, accept them as they were and to carry on.  I think it's examples like this that help to dispel myths around mindfulness and make it more relatable and authentic. 

So I am grateful for the unexpected background noises as it was another example of how mindfulness practices help bring balance, calm and acceptance. Thinking back to pre COVID times when I worked remotely dealing with low-definition video calls I didn't have the range of tools that I now do to manage freezes /dropped signal/ background noises/ other calls. 

So grateful to be developing these practices now.

Here's the meditation. I hope you enjoy Listening meditation

Four postures of Mindfulness

  In Mindfulness, the four classic postures are lying down, sitting, standing and walking. If you have not tried all four, I wholeheartedly recommend that you do. Each has its unique challenges, and each has particular gifts to give, or ways in which it can help you strengthen your practice. This talk by Jon Kabat-Zinn gives some background.

Lying down is a posture that I was expecting to be the most important one having done various yoga classes and programmes where the lying postion is often used at the end of the class. In this posture, you are sometimes so close to falling asleep that you might actually fall asleep. Remaining alert can be the challenge of this posture. I have sometimes tried this posture when I have been struggling to get to sleep and it has been quite effective. However using a meditation practice to help one sleep is not struclty speaking fully mindful as you are aiming to be aware and focused on the practice.

So if you are feeling really tired then perhaps a lying posture might not be the best one if you are aiming to use it as a meditative exercise. The great thing about this posture is that, with no muscles holding you upright, it is very easy to deeply relax. You might even enter a deep hypnogogic state in which you hover in a state between sleep and awakeness. This can be a profound state of rest, profoundly de-stressing, and deeply restorative. Still, in a more usual meditation, you are both very relaxed and very alert, simultaneously. You are aware and alert, without anxiety.

The reclining/lying down posture is also the best meditation position for stress reduction. It is the best, fastest way to let go of stress and to ground your self. You can use this position to carry out a body scan or to focus on the breath. More information here . I will post a body scan on this blog in due course. 

Depending on preference you can record your own voice for a guided meditation and listen back to it, or use a recording. Listening to a voice that makes you feel calm and relaxed , or music /seascapes are a popular choice. (Although I can't listen to running water for long haha). How long? How often? Down to personal preference. I have found that a 5-10 minute lying meditation can re-energise me  as well as help relax me.  It's finding what works for you.

From lying down, the next move is the seated posture. This might be in a chair or on the floor.  It is possible to fall asleep while sitting but it is less likely to happen. The sitting posture is more alert than lying down. You will feel some of the ease and deep relaxation of the lying down posture, but you will feel more alert, more “awake” in your awareness.  Often the feet are placed on the ground which can, literally, help one feel more grounded. Again down to personal choice. I don't find sitting on the floor especially comfortable so go for a chair every time.  The seated posture is the most practiced posture around the world. This article from Calm has lots more information about positions.

The standing posture was something totally new to me and I think it is one of my favourites ( I am not quite sure if one is meant to have favourites, but this is the one that I have found fits into daily life so easily). In the Korean zen tradition, there was a  famous Zen Master, Kusan Sunim of the late 20th century. It is said that he would push himself to practice longer by practicing standing meditation with a knife placed at his throat, for motivation and to keep himself from falling asleep! Not very mindful I would argue but it's interesting to find out about different views.

Standing meditation is a powerful position. We are standing upright and using many of our muscles * Fifty-four stabilizing muscles are involved to move the bodyfrom a sitting position to a standing position. To maintain your body in a standing position, it takes most of the muscles in your body. Most of the muscles are used for weight distribution and balance*

 When standing we can see all around and are ready to move, but in this posture we stay still and focus on the breath. Some phrases associated with this posture include: bearing witness, standing for what we believe, standing on our own two feel, and standing our ground. Eyes can be closed or open. It can be incredibly grounding and give time for clarity for example in a queue, in a meeting, on the phone. I have used this at work to gather my thoughts and process before reacting, alloowing me time to respond. In our busy lives where everything happens in a flick of a switch or a click of a mouse, these times of being still, alert and quiet have been immensely supportive.

The final posture is walking. There is so much out there regarding the benefits of walking . Here's an example. I also recently read this article which is worth a few minutes of your time.

Those who know me know that I love to walk. But there is a big difference between how we walk! Mindful walking is where you are bringing your awareness to the environment, to the senses, to the beauty and wonder of the natural world. It is taking meditation for a walk and is a way to help body and mind integrate meditative practices into your active life as part of the living world. It is  conduit between stillness and movement and can be especially valuable when you have a lot of energy in your system perhaps such as anger or restlessness that make it hard to sit still. When these come visit, it is often helpful to walk for a period of time, then consider transitioning to another posture. Walking posture can be used to relax, to recharge, to take time away from our busy lives to just be in the process of walking and acknowledging how we are feeling. I have used walking to talk myself through a whole host of situations and always feel a greater sense of clarity having done so.  I said earlier that the standing one was my favourite.  It's my favourite to be able to do as and when during pretty much any situation. Walking brings me the greatest sense of clarity and calm. Lying can re-energise and help me to refocus and sitting can give that all important longer period of time to just slow down and breathe.

This is a talk from Christopher Titmuss on postures. He, alongside his daughter Nshorna, runs the MTTC course that I have been undertaking. I find him very inspiring and relatable. 

I'm too busy to be mindful...

 

Aren't our lives busy nowadays. Mobile phones; great at keeping us connected but also such a tie at times. 

Scrolling- that wasn't even a thing not so long ago. I am as guilty as the next person of sitting down for a few minutes and before I realise, those few minutes have stretched into a lot more. And what have I actually done in that time? 

Procrastination - noun

1. the action of delaying or postponing something.

   "your first tip is to avoid procrastination"

And work, well that takes up a load of time, plus the commute, plus the emails to do out of work. Plus trying to keep on top of all the household things and so on and so on. Life is busy. Children have flown the nest ( how did i have time to look after them when they were at home?!) but time seems to fly past faster and faster. 

So how on earth can anyone be expected to be mindful and fit in that as well? 

For me mindfulness is so much more than finding a time to sit and meditate; it's the general awareness through daily activities. It's finding times to take a few moments here and there. For example, cleaning teeth or having a shower are great times to do a mini body scan or a listening meditation. Waiting in a queue or being on hold on a phone call are , for me, amazing times to focus on a standing meditation and also really help avoid the impatience and 'queue rage'.

Sometimes all you need is to switch on the TV or scroll through the phone, but that might not leave you with the sense of calm and peace, or re-energised ready to take on the next thing on the list. 

Next time you're in a traffic jam, or in the longest queue on the phone * Your call is important to us...thank you for waiting...you are now 15th in line...*  See if you can focus on the breath, or the sounds you can hear. If you're able to walk around does that ease the impatient feelings that come and go?   

My next upload will be a guided meditation on listening.